Dog Intellectual Gifts

Dog listening to ''Paws For Thought'' on the radio.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Dog phrenology

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"He's sending an instant message."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"Tonight... Hemingway."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

Descartes' dog.

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

"Why so sad, Pal?"

Preschools for Dogs

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

I wonder if they can think...

"What truth can there be, if there is only death?" "Too early for Tolstoy."

'I think if we were to pretend to be dumb, they would lose interest in us...'

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."