Dog Thinker Gifts

"Why can't you just fetch and beg like a normal dog?"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Dog phrenology

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

The Inner Dog.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"He's sending an instant message."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."