Canine Intellectual Gifts

"Oh yes, they're quite an intelligent breed."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Dog phrenology

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"He's sending an instant message."

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"Tonight... Hemingway."

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

"Why so sad, Pal?"

'Actually, I'm a lap dog.'

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Descartes' dog.

Preschools for Dogs

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"What truth can there be, if there is only death?" "Too early for Tolstoy."

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

'I don't care how smart he is, he's not allowed on the furniture!'