Canine Intellectual Pillows

"Oh yes, they're quite an intelligent breed."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Dog phrenology

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's sending an instant message."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

"Why so sad, Pal?"

Descartes' dog.

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

'Actually, I'm a lap dog.'

Preschools for Dogs

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

I wonder if they can think...

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"The question should be, do PEOPLE go to heaven?"

'I think if we were to pretend to be dumb, they would lose interest in us...'

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."