Dog Intuitionist Gifts

"He's sending an instant message."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Dog phrenology

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

"A wonderful cat is coming into your life."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"I can only tell you what's in your future - it's up to you to chase it."

"Why so sad, Pal?"

I wonder if they can think...

Identical twins, separated at birth. Both like to...chase cars, take naps, fetch sticks, bark, sit on furniture.

"What truth can there be, if there is only death?" "Too early for Tolstoy."

"Bad news - you're going to be neutered."

When Dachshunds dream.

"Stop worrying if you're a good dog or a bad dog. Just be the best dog you can be."

"I wonder if they have any real intelligence!"

Dog listening to ''Paws For Thought'' on the radio.

'...and God created canine in his own image.'

"Forgetting names is not a big issue for me: It's a bigger problem that I can no longer remember where I've hidden my food stashes..."

"Why can't you just fetch and beg like a normal dog?"

"I stay at home and do nothing. He goes to work and makes the world worse, whose life is more worthwhile?"

'Unfortunately for us it's a dog eat dog food world, son.'

"Personally, I don't think anything is actualized until one rolls in it."

"Oh yes, they're quite an intelligent breed."

'He's psychic, but only when it comes to can openers.'

'I'm a lover not a biter.'

"I wonder if he's thinking what I'm thinking."