Doctor Visit Veteran Pillows

"It's your ear, nose, and throat."

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'After two hours in your waiting room, of course my blood pressure is up!'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

Waiting room: Pins, Needles, Pins and Needles.

"Oh, we take that illness very seriously. It's you we don't take seriously."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Well, hypochondria isn't a problem."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Dog wearing a cone

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"Now I'm sure that, at this point, you're wondering HOW I can remove the anal sacs..."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital.

'Doctor, I think he knows where he is.'

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

"I can't stop licking my boo-boo."

"So what brings you in today?"

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'What do you mean I've got fleas? I want a second opinion!'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'