Doctor Visit Veteran T-Shirts

"It's your ear, nose, and throat."

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'After two hours in your waiting room, of course my blood pressure is up!'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

Waiting room: Pins, Needles, Pins and Needles.

"Oh, we take that illness very seriously. It's you we don't take seriously."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Well, hypochondria isn't a problem."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Dog wearing a cone

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Now I'm sure that, at this point, you're wondering HOW I can remove the anal sacs..."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Hospital.

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

'Doctor, I think he knows where he is.'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'What do you mean I've got fleas? I want a second opinion!'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."