Doctor Visit Survivors Pillows

Amateur Ventriloquists

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Time for your pills.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"So what brings you in today?"

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."