Doctor Avoider Pillows

"It's nothing...probably something I just ate for dinner."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

'I'm terribly sorry, I don't have any time now. Please call my secretary to make an appointment.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

Do' you have the time?'

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

'He's sleeping nice & peacefully - Lets wake him up for his obs.'

'He always breaks away from the Church on Sunday mornings.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

An agony of aunts

"Back to face-to-face working, lad? I think not! Be off home with you!"

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

'Appointment?' 'No, I'm finishing the magazine.'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

Time getting away

'Somebody's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 dentists and some pain pills.'

'My dog ate my homework, so I couldn't study for the test. So, as his punishment, he'll be taking the test for me.'

'When I said to eat a varied diet I didn't just mean buying all 12 varieties of Krispysnax noodles!'

A man scared of dentists has taped his mouth shut.