Doctor Visit Avoider Pillows

"This says women live longer than men...mostly because they see a doctor more often. I only see a doctor when I'm sick."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'I'm terribly sorry, I don't have any time now. Please call my secretary to make an appointment.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"So what brings you in today?"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

The Sedentary Dead.

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Do' you have the time?'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'