Medical Avoider Pillows

Husband who is scared of the doctor celebrates his absence when he is ill.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

'I'm terribly sorry, I don't have any time now. Please call my secretary to make an appointment.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

Do' you have the time?'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

Danger Signs.

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

'He's sleeping nice & peacefully - Lets wake him up for his obs.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

An agony of aunts

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

Next time youwant to demonstrate Ronaldo's flying overhead kick to your nephew...use a pen and paper!

'Appointment?' 'No, I'm finishing the magazine.'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

Time getting away

"This is where I go to get away from reality TV."

'My dog ate my homework, so I couldn't study for the test. So, as his punishment, he'll be taking the test for me.'