Health Advice Avoider Pillows

'When I said to eat a varied diet I didn't just mean buying all 12 varieties of Krispysnax noodles!'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"We need to walk."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

New years resolutions

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

An agony of aunts

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"You're my second opinion. . . my wife was my first."

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."

'The doctor said I should cut down on my alcohol intake, so I've stopped eating wine gums.'

"Don't eat so fast"

'The Surgeon-General today advised everybody to turn the TV off and go take a walk.'

'Touch my toes? -- I have servants for that sort of thing!'

'Dr.Davis was beginning to wish that he'd taken a little more care in wording his advert.'

I think you're taking your hydration too far

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

A man opens a medicine cabinet to find a bunch of doctors.

"Chase him? That sounds dangerously close to exercise."