Health Advice Taker Pillows

"Don't eat so fast"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Govt. UK led by Seance

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

The girl with the sensible shoes.

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

Food Pyramid.

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

Vaping cigarette

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

Enormous obesity report.

I'll sleep better if I only drink one cup of coffee a day.

"Stop watching ladies beach volleyball for a while."

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

"I went with the flow and wound up in the French quarter."

Group Insurance/Vitamins

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"