Health Advice Taker Pillows

"Don't eat so fast"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

Govt. UK led by Seance

The girl with the sensible shoes.

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

Jim's Smart Kettle

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

Food Pyramid.

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

Vaping cigarette

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

Enormous obesity report.

I'll sleep better if I only drink one cup of coffee a day.

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

Group Insurance/Vitamins

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

"I went with the flow and wound up in the French quarter."