Health Advice Avoider T-Shirts

'When I said to eat a varied diet I didn't just mean buying all 12 varieties of Krispysnax noodles!'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

New years resolutions

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

An agony of aunts

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"You're my second opinion. . . my wife was my first."

"Don't eat so fast"

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

'Touch my toes? -- I have servants for that sort of thing!'

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'The Surgeon-General today advised everybody to turn the TV off and go take a walk.'

'Dr.Davis was beginning to wish that he'd taken a little more care in wording his advert.'

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

I think you're taking your hydration too far

A man opens a medicine cabinet to find a bunch of doctors.

'I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer.'

"Chase him? That sounds dangerously close to exercise."