Advice Avoider T-Shirts

'I said... don't touch that dial!'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

An agony of aunts

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

'You are doing it wrong.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

Sawdust.

Nervous at a party.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kl

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."