Advice Avoider Gifts

'I said... don't touch that dial!'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

An agony of aunts

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'You are doing it wrong.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

Sawdust.

Nervous at a party.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

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'There's a NAGGING blog?'