Advice Ignorer Gifts

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

'In general, do the right thing.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'You are doing it wrong.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

"There's someone here who says she has a word to the wise. Do we have anyone like that?"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I've been talking to … um … Tina for three whole weeks … Do you think it's too early to try and get her to move out her near me? Excellent question. The answer is, we're all barreling full-steam toward death and incontinence. So seize the moment!!! that's both depressing and uplifting at the same time.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather eat this not knowing what the latest science suggests."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

"I'll give you some advice. When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut."

It's the Dr. Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. You're on, Boise. What's your problem?! I don

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

'I'm in big trouble with the old battle-ax. What would you do if you were me?'

An agony of aunts

"Are you listening to those bloody influencers again?"