Committee Avoider Pillows

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Hanson - committee of four.'

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

Nervous at a party.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I suppose the first thing to do is form an escape committee."

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

Election Cancelling Headphones

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

The Academic Brain, showing parts: teach, write, do research, and (the largest part) serve on committees.

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'He always breaks away from the Church on Sunday mornings.'

"The firm needs LEADERSHIP, does anyone have any ideas?"

'Are there any further nominations?'

'No thanks.'

"Actually, I don't mind picking up leaves. It stops me from following politics."

Fred's not into politics. His idea of Family Values is a 7 gallon tub of cheese frizzles.

'I found this keeps people from wanting to talk politics around me.'

'Remember...first one to drop takes the rap.'

"I've decided...there's no way I can throw a party while I house-sit for my Tia Zulema. I just know she'll find out about it."

'Remember, our hosts are from a swing state, so no political babble or they may snap!'