Charity Avoider Pillows

'No thanks.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Nervous at a party.

'I'd feel better spending all my money here if you were a registered charity.'

"I got my first paycheck, and now I understand why our organization is classified as a nonprofit."

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'Big Issue...'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Election Cancelling Headphones

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"Please help! God struck me blind for not giving to a blind beggar."

Marathon costume

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

His movember moustache made him feel very distinguished.

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'He always breaks away from the Church on Sunday mornings.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

'And how many cookies can I put you down for?'

'Miss Thompson. Get me the charity list, I feel some ethics coming on!!'

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'