Divorce Decree Survivor Gifts

"My wife's solicitor doesn't understand me."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"...until death do you a favor."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

Joint Ventures!

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

Ereptile Dysfunction

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"He snores from October to May!"

"So halfway through the divorce proceedings, I find out Henry is a warlock."

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'Busting balls since 1983.'

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'I think the problem is, Lydia, you're a man-hater and Robert, you're a woman-hater, and I can't stand either one of you.'

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'