Divorce Comedian Gifts

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

Pre-owned husbands

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

'Well, I think I've finally gotten a handle on Jim!'

Congratulations on your Divorce

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."