Divorce Comedian Gifts

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

Pre-owned husbands

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

'I got custody of the kids.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

'Well, I think I've finally gotten a handle on Jim!'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

Congratulations on your Divorce

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'So when is the moving van coming over for your shoes?'