Divine Texters Gifts

'I wonder what it's like to text, 'OMG'?'

Local News in Heaven

"How sweet, you texted me. . . I love you too!"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Newton's cradle

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Is this Seat Taken?

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

Man reads book entitled: TXTRS DGEST.

You Have 1 New Messages

'What am I thinking? Don't you read my Tweets?'

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

'Mom and Dad, like when did you first text that you loved each other?'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

"I just sent a penny to your bank account for your thoughts."

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

'What's the text abbreviation for 'yippee yippee yo, yippee yay, yippee yo kai aye?'

'-and don't forget your mobiles tomorrow - we shall be texting Santa!'

Text Santa

'Might have a bit of a tinker with gravity . . .'

Valentine's Day texting

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

Ned stepped out of the office for a little texting, tweeting, status updating and general web surfing...hours later his GPS app placed him deep in the woods.

"My plants have been growing so much better since I started texting them."

"Thou," not "you"! "Shalt," not "shallow"! "Sayeth," not "sawtooth"! Gah, I'm gonna smite somebody! God's Autocorrect.

'Sorry we couldn't make the service but we enjoyed your inspirational twitter,'

"Oops - a leftover piece. Where does this go? Should I toss it? Why did I even create an appendix?"

Personal Air Bag.

"Hey Noah, there is a guy named Jonah who wants to book passage."