Divine Texter Gifts

You Have 1 New Messages

"Thou," not "you"! "Shalt," not "shallow"! "Sayeth," not "sawtooth"! Gah, I'm gonna smite somebody! God's Autocorrect.

The text commandments

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

Local News in Heaven

"How sweet, you texted me. . . I love you too!"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Newton's cradle

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Is this Seat Taken?

'What am I thinking? Don't you read my Tweets?'

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

Man reads book entitled: TXTRS DGEST.

'Mom and Dad, like when did you first text that you loved each other?'

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

"I just sent a penny to your bank account for your thoughts."

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

'What's the text abbreviation for 'yippee yippee yo, yippee yay, yippee yo kai aye?'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

'Might have a bit of a tinker with gravity . . .'

Valentine's Day texting

Ned stepped out of the office for a little texting, tweeting, status updating and general web surfing...hours later his GPS app placed him deep in the woods.

"Oops - a leftover piece. Where does this go? Should I toss it? Why did I even create an appendix?"

'Sorry we couldn't make the service but we enjoyed your inspirational twitter,'

"My plants have been growing so much better since I started texting them."

Commandments block.

Personal Air Bag.

"He overcame his vow of silence by texting on his phone."

The Island of People Who Never Get Back to You

'Father, I think the Lord has forsaken me, all I get is his voicemail.'