Divine Texter Pillows

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The text commandments

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

Local News in Heaven

"How sweet, you texted me. . . I love you too!"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Newton's cradle

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Is this Seat Taken?

Man reads book entitled: TXTRS DGEST.

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

'What am I thinking? Don't you read my Tweets?'

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

"I just sent a penny to your bank account for your thoughts."

'Might have a bit of a tinker with gravity . . .'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

Valentine's Day texting

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

'What's the text abbreviation for 'yippee yippee yo, yippee yay, yippee yo kai aye?'

Ned stepped out of the office for a little texting, tweeting, status updating and general web surfing...hours later his GPS app placed him deep in the woods.

"My plants have been growing so much better since I started texting them."

"Oops - a leftover piece. Where does this go? Should I toss it? Why did I even create an appendix?"

Personal Air Bag.

'Father, I think the Lord has forsaken me, all I get is his voicemail.'

"He overcame his vow of silence by texting on his phone."

The Island of People Who Never Get Back to You

Never fails. Stay in all week, not one call. Step out for an hour to preach...

You hang up. No, you hang up.

"Heaven is currently unattended, if you wish to leave your prayers at the sound of the tone...they will be answered."

WRLD TXT MSG-ING CHMPSHIP.