Divine Stand-up Enthusiasts Gifts

'Great sermon, Reverend! -- If I ever want to find out more about sin, I sure know who to come to!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Night-time halo

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"OMG, LOL!"

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

Zeus's Caddy

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Beware of God"

God pulling the plug on January 1st 2000

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

Needless to say, God forgot the legs.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'We are gathered here...'

God's Law.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

Earth Mover 3000: A not-so-happy God with the humans about to use an Earth Mover on Planet Earth

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'