Divine Humor Enthusiast Gifts

God changes His will.

'Verily I say unto you, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, while those in the middle will stay roughly the same.'

'If You give them free will, we'll need a LOT more staff.'

Angels waiting at baggage reclaim for their harps.

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

'The floods, the pestilence, the plagues...don't you think you could find more constructive ways to express your wrath?'

"You will have God's baby and his name will be Jesus..."

BEWARE OF THE GOD.

'Here he comes - Look busy!'

Smite Golfer or Cow?

It's a Good Tired.

Jesus is coming. Look busy.

God's 'To do' list: 1) Pick up laundry 2) Get hair cut 3) Answer Ann Ferguson's prayers for a cure for her arthritis.

'...Give me a sign.'

'Of course He never listens - He's OMNISCIENT!'

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

"Yup, we use atheists for room service..."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"You state here that God is the head of your organization. Any chance you could get Him to co-sign this application?"

Night-time halo

"The thing is, I'm just not a micromanager."

"What's with all the politicians suddenly getting struck by lightning?"

"There's not much call for 'the smiting of the ungodly' at the moment. Would you consider working in a call centre."

"You want fries with what?"

As God is my witness.

"It's a big responsibility having green lighted everything."

God watches people through binoculars while keeping track of their good and bad deed.

"OMG, LOL!"

Monastery. Applications and Admissions. Abbot. Can I put off my vow of poverty until after they announce the lotto winners?

Find the idiot who keeps parking in my spot. Reserved for God.

Should I get these copyrighted, or is that covered by "Thou shalt not steal"? (Published previously on Dec. 10, 2002.)

"Timmy Whitehead of Wheeling, West Virginia, asks, 'Do you ever have to go to the bathroom?'"

"The good news is there is a God. The bad news is, he's stalking me."

'Actually, we were hoping for a less high-maintenance God.'