Divine Sequelist Gifts

'If you like Adam, wait till you see the SEQUEL.'

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

The Ordered List

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

How's my Sermon . . .

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

Give Way To Cyclists

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

Put it in writing!

'What you did was not only 'wrong' - it was 'wrongedy-wrong-wrong!''

God's Writers Block

Adam and Eve: If not satisfied with products for any reason, please expel them from paradise.

"Our records indicate you should be in hell. But since you’ve been married for forty years we’ll count that as time served."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Monk

"Don't look now, but they suddenly got REALLY fruitful!"

"Limbo as such has been phased out, but we'll be keeping you on hold for an unspecified amount of time."

"Hang on Gary, I think our Tracy's having an Epiphany!"

"And my board approved this?"

Heavenly Tennis.

'You realize of course everything here is G-rated.'

"We've always admired those literate prayers of yours, and it's our hope that you'll keep them coming even though you're dead."

"Hey Noah, there is a guy named Jonah who wants to book passage."

"Really looks like they could use a miracle about now sir!"

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

'God's home videos.'

God creates the Great Lakes