Diversity Officer Gifts

"Sorry, you are simply not the right man for the job."

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

Commitment to Cultural Diversity

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Sex discrimination? What are you talking about?'

'We expanded the name to satisfy all interest groups.'

'So we agree: having attained diversity, we must now categorize, coordinate and consolidate it.'

'Sorry, but hiring only men allows me to avoid gender politics.'

'I'm so proud to be part of a profession that has never discriminated against women.'

'My thanks to Oliver for ensuring we meet this board's quota of women.'

"We're a colourblind company here.. to us you are black and invisible."

"Let's pay special attention to today's corporate training topic: 'Diversity in the Workplace'."

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

"Hands up anyone who thinks we have a problem with DIVERSITY?"

'We're really the same, me and you. Same manufacturer even.'

"In the interest of fostering diversity, we're abandoning our 'birds of a feather' policy."

"Yes, we're all white, but we're post-racial white."

"During this month that celebrates women and the contribution they have made to our history..."

'We may be going out of business, but we've got the best damn diversity program in the industry!'

"And Justin has been promoted to Head of Diversity."

Diversity-Challenged

"HR say we're behind target in naming women for senior positions. . . so in future you all have to call me Muriel."

'I've always wanted to ask him if he's an 'illegal,' but I don't want to get caught up in the whole racial profiling thing.'

"Alan, looking at our plans don't you think your team might need a little more thought?"

"We got tired of explaining to everybody what 'affirmative action' means."

'Old boy' tells black woman at interview: 'We fully embrace diversity here - we even have a chap who didn't go to Eton.'

"You're more than qualified but unfortunately we already have a black woman working here."

"So that's agreed then, we don't need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment practices!"

"I just found out that we ARE the Diversity Department."

"But for goodness sake man, don't you see that now I'll have to sexual harass you?!"

"But my dear we don't treat you differently because you're a WOMAN...We treat you differently because WE'RE MEN!"

Commission for racial equality, "Is this true Mr Pot?"

Ladies and Gents.

"Unfortunately my boss would rather that I show femur instead of backbone."