Diversity Officer Pillows

"Sorry, you are simply not the right man for the job."

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

Commitment to Cultural Diversity

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Sex discrimination? What are you talking about?'

'We expanded the name to satisfy all interest groups.'

'So we agree: having attained diversity, we must now categorize, coordinate and consolidate it.'

'Sorry, but hiring only men allows me to avoid gender politics.'

'My thanks to Oliver for ensuring we meet this board's quota of women.'

'I'm so proud to be part of a profession that has never discriminated against women.'

"We're a colourblind company here.. to us you are black and invisible."

"In the interest of fostering diversity, we're abandoning our 'birds of a feather' policy."

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'We're really the same, me and you. Same manufacturer even.'

"Hands up anyone who thinks we have a problem with DIVERSITY?"

"Yes, we're all white, but we're post-racial white."

"During this month that celebrates women and the contribution they have made to our history..."

'We may be going out of business, but we've got the best damn diversity program in the industry!'

"You're more than qualified but unfortunately we already have a black woman working here."

"Alan, looking at our plans don't you think your team might need a little more thought?"

'I've always wanted to ask him if he's an 'illegal,' but I don't want to get caught up in the whole racial profiling thing.'

'Old boy' tells black woman at interview: 'We fully embrace diversity here - we even have a chap who didn't go to Eton.'

"So that's agreed then, we don't need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment practices!"

"We got tired of explaining to everybody what 'affirmative action' means."

"HR say we're behind target in naming women for senior positions. . . so in future you all have to call me Muriel."

"But my dear we don't treat you differently because you're a WOMAN...We treat you differently because WE'RE MEN!"

Ladies and Gents.

"But for goodness sake man, don't you see that now I'll have to sexual harass you?!"

Commission for racial equality, "Is this true Mr Pot?"

'I need to find you a company with strong anti-discrimination policies...'

"I just found out that we ARE the Diversity Department."

"Unfortunately my boss would rather that I show femur instead of backbone."

'I just couldn't see her fitting in.'

Of course we were keen to appoint more women but I'm afraid many of them lack two essential qualifications for a career in banking.... Testicles!