Discount Digger Gifts

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Go! Means NOW!

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'I think I've scored.'

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Unusual Offers

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

Put it in petty cash.

"Yorick, you dolt! Alas, poor Yorick!"

"And everything from my dig is brought here where it's identified, classified, interpreted, and the eaten."

'But what do you sell?'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

"Of course, it might help if we actually found something every once in a while!"

Cash Rebate

'Shove' (at big sale).

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

'Cyber mining for bitcoins again?'

'We seem to have more money for little luxuries since Timothy started working from home.'

Archeologists found a set of 9.7-million-year-old teeth in Germany that might belong to a primitive relative of early man. Totally unrelated question: Are you missing any teeth, Sadie. That's funny. Speaking of which, there are many ways a person could lose teeth. Threats of violence aren't funny in 2018. That's like a rule. A good pummeling never hurt anyone.

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

Museum. Digging dinosaur bones is hard work, but it can also be thrilling! Last year it was electrifying when we found an intact t-rex mandible with a complete set of deadly serrated teeth! We carefully unearthed it, but it slipped from our hands when we picked it up! No harm done. It was not damaged. That was totally anticlimactic. It was educational. Next time I'll know to not get excited when a paleontologist says he has a jaw-dropping story.

"It's my dream job. I love it – except for the part where I realize I'm naked."

Georgius Agricola: "My interest in gold was enhanced.greatly...help me as I go prospecting in the wilds."

'So much for the sheriff who was going to clean up our town.'

"Let's face it - we're much better at digging up new dinosaurs than naming them."