Discount Digger Pillows

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Go! Means NOW!

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'I think I've scored.'

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Unusual Offers

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

"And everything from my dig is brought here where it's identified, classified, interpreted, and the eaten."

"Yorick, you dolt! Alas, poor Yorick!"

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'But what do you sell?'

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

'Shove' (at big sale).

Cash Rebate

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

'Cyber mining for bitcoins again?'

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

'So much for the sheriff who was going to clean up our town.'

"It's my dream job. I love it – except for the part where I realize I'm naked."

"Let's face it - we're much better at digging up new dinosaurs than naming them."

'Really! - you have an aim in life - how quaint!'

Georgius Agricola: "My interest in gold was enhanced.greatly...help me as I go prospecting in the wilds."