Disaster Tourist Ponderer Gifts

"You don't look like a hurricane victim to me."

"Look! No hands!"

"We have all the brochures, but we can't decide if we want to die on Mt. Everest or Mt. McKinley."

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

Experts through the ages.

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Touring Holidays - On the P***

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

Self Service Island

Not so heavenly

'Missin' rib, snake, guilt, eviction. . . and not a Stress Counsellor in sight!'

'We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by...'

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

Clouds getting into angel's shoes.

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

"Wow! I guess you CAN 'take it with you', after all!"

'Everything's heavenly! How about you?'

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

"Do I have a personal preparedness plan in case of a national emergency? Well, if screaming while running amok is a plan, then yes, I have a plan."

'My family thinks I'm up here watching over them.'

"Holy c**p!!! That asteroid is headed straight for earth!!!"

"Not only are we new here, I understand the whole place didn't exist a few days ago."

'I thought everybody would be equal here'

If only they'd taken it with them!

Employees Only Door in Heaven.

'It's not always the Catholics who seem the most disappointed.'

"Boxing day is so boring."