Disaster Giggler Gifts

Preparation, limitations of: 'It's true then,' thought Selma, as the swift Samuri assassins scaled the inner walls and raced to the spot where she lay pinned...'there are some things you can't prepare for.'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'It was this big. I swear'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Cavemen Exhibit

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

'If Batman can have a batmobile why can't a snowman...'

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"I'm beginning to believe that this is just busy work."

Black Hole Corks

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Confession Ratings.

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

The Big A** Theory

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

'Which one's Ringo?'

Medical Treatment.

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."