Diplomatic Wordsmith Gifts

'Dear Mr. Scarborough...I want to express my appreciation for, your letter of appreciation, for my letter of October 5th.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Mother Goose's Haiku

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

'He never listened to his mother!'

A Poet

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bell Hop

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

You're Out Of Order

Male On Sunday

"I think that I shall never see a lawsuit lovely as a tree." "Don't go soft on us, Lenny."