Dinner Table Reader Gifts

'How to Eat while Reading' and 'How to Read while Eating'.

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

What's the insect de jour?

A menu with risks and benefits

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Try our frogs' legs

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

'When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out of her nose?'

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

'I've relaxed, put my feet up - Now, where's that good book you promised me?'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Compliments to the chef - "Thank you very much, but all I did was follow the directions in the cookbook."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'She said to read between the lines to infer the answer, but it's hard to see in between them because they're so close together.'

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

"Slop again?!"

'How are the job opportunities here tonight?'