Dinner Table Raconteur Gifts

"That's right and you should have seen what they took out of his stomach once they got him to hospital - That big it was!"

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

"House red, sir?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

Road Kill Cafe.

'When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out of her nose?'

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

"Slop again?!"

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

"My theory is that alcohol and gluten, if taken together, will reduce fat and build muscle."

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

"How long have we been married?"

"Now son. We haven't given thanks for all we're about to destroy."