Breakfast Reader Gifts

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

Breakfast surreal.

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

"It says here we should get a lodger."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

A shark is reading a book entitled 'Swimming with the lawyers'.

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

'You seem grumpy ... have you heard about the benefits of bran in the morning?'

Toast Pops Out of Piggy Bank.

'I've relaxed, put my feet up - Now, where's that good book you promised me?'

Compliments to the chef - "Thank you very much, but all I did was follow the directions in the cookbook."

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

"It's a terrible hiccup you got there. . . let me help you.. I made a dent in the car today!"

"How's your beer coming, Eddie?"

Joyce Carol Oates

The Invention of Reading in Bed.

Fifty Shades of Yellow

'I'm a vestal virgin.'

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

'An owl and a pussycat? -- Is that even legal?'

'Well, I'd say this calls for a toast!'

"The 3-D version sucks."

Essential conundrum: Until I've had morning coffee, I lack the strength to order or even open my mouth. Get me the intravenous kit.