Café Reader Gifts

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

You've read the book's dust jacket. Now, play the video game!

Reading the sports pages.

'It's baseball season!'

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

'What do you mean these aren't donut holes'

Coffee Menu

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

Man, I could destroy a chocolate donut with sprinkles right now

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

"I tried being a stay-at-home dad. But I found out that being a stay-at-work dad is far less stressful."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

Lunch

Dateline - Caf

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

Ladmag - Caution, immature content.

'A sandwich?'

Everyone have enough to eat and drink? We can start the discussion! I'll have a drop of wine. Do you have another cookie? I could do one more cheese puff. Got it. No one's read the book. I googled lost of reviews!