Dinner Speaker Gifts

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

Come dine with me!

Grace For Flies

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Gesundheit!"

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Horn of Leftovers

'How is the water prepared?'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"A little lamb please."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'