After Dinner Speaker Gifts

"I don't like the look of this"

Come dine with me!

"You owe me five bucks."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Oh, c'mon! Who eats aardvark with a fork?"

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'All right, I agree with you.'

Chick in noodle soup.

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

"But I told everybody at the dinner party, your honor, so how could it still be insider information?"

"Don't try to distance yourself from my choice of entrée."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"Because of the war can we split this?"

"Do you two need a little more time?"

'Forget about National Security for a second... if I'm not home in an hour for dinner, there's going to be some REAL FIREWORKS!'

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."