Dinner Performer Gifts

Pianist with Knife and Fork.

Grace For Flies

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

Horn of Leftovers

"Gesundheit!"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

The Perfect Foil

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"A little lamb please."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"What do you mean, where's your order? Can't you see we're just starting to really cook?"

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"