Dinner Theater Gifts

"Tonight's special, like every night, is popcorn. This is dinner theater, what did you expect?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

The Perfect Foil

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'Tasty bird.'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Who had the rainforest vinaigrette?"

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

The Butlers Ball.

"Would you care for something to talk about during dinner?"

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

"The special tonight is Steak Teriyaki, which is seared, cubed, and expertly tossed into your mouth.”

"I'll wait, my wife's in the loo."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Slop again?!"

"Oh, dear me. No, no – I meant the Chehalem 2006, not the $2,006."