Theatrical Diner Gifts

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Who had the rainforest vinaigrette?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Countervailing Clichés.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'You made me jump,'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'All right, I agree with you.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

Traditional Family Meals

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"