Theatrical Diner Gifts

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Who had the rainforest vinaigrette?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'You made me jump,'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'All right, I agree with you.'

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

Traditional Family Meals

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

How To Turn A Closed-Down Nuclear Reactor Into A Theme Restaurant: A Master Plan.