Dinner Table Diva Gifts

"Why do you always have to be so judgemental?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"More croutons, sir?"

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe