Dinner Date Diva Gifts

'I love you just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.'

"Now that I'm pregnant they give me two fortune cookies."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Oh, how sweet of you."

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

The Bare Minimum

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"More croutons, sir?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.