Diner Diva Gifts

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

Lunch-Hour Highlights

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"Oh, this? The microwave is on the fritz, so I'm thawing out your steak."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"