Diner Diva Pillows

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

Lunch-Hour Highlights

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"More croutons, sir?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'