Dining Experience Aficionado T-Shirts

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Waiter there is an aeroplane in my soup!'

"Looks like dinner's going to take just a little longer."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."