Dining Experience Lover T-Shirts

"I'd like to order from the children's menu."

'Still a culinary disaster area, but compared to five years ago, the service is much better.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Is the MSG local?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Regular service or affected?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Am Awful Crammer.

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"You and your daft inventions."

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.