Dining Experience Lover Gifts

"I'd like to order from the children's menu."

'Still a culinary disaster area, but compared to five years ago, the service is much better.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Is the MSG local?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Regular service or affected?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Am Awful Crammer.

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"